You give people [especially the ones you lOve] the benefit of the doubt most of the time. And, In reality, they take that for granted. And the people that think they know, have no idea what really goes on behind closed doors. So… Is it better to be loved and falsely accepted or to be controlled and led to believe you are your own person?
After so many years of getting questions asked ” is that an implant?” “What is that on your neck?” “Does it hurt?” I don’t think I’m going to miss the questions. I don’t mind when people ask, I’d rather they did. It’s the stares and apologizes that bug me more I suppose. It gets repetitive and I get tired of explaining. It’s no one’s fault that it’s there, not even mine. I may even miss seeing it when I look at myself in the mirror.
It’s been 7 days since my visit to see Dr. Hung. And I have 4 more to go until this 7 year growth will no longer be a part of me. I don’t even know what to do with myself. I don’t know I I’m excited to finally see it go, if I’m scared or if I’m even ready. My palms are sweaty and my heart races every time I think about the surgery. I know Dr. Hung is one of the best E.N.T.s in Texas, but I’ve never had surgery before, so I’m anxious and scared. It’s definitely times like these that make me feel even more alone than usual. I am so thankful I have the friends that I do, and their support is extraordinary! But domestically, I lack someone that is going to hold me and kids me and tell me that everything is going to be ok.
I have all the faith in the world that this is going to be a lot less stressful than I’m making it out to be, but my hands are still can’t and my heart is still being out of my chest.
Hey!!! I’m on this music video :)
cyst progression: so many of you who know me, know that I never, or should I say, hardly ever ask for help of any kind. And all of you know that I am extremely insecure about the cyst on my neck. For the last few years, it has grown dramatically in size. In the years I was living in California, it was almost completely gone. Upon my moving back to Houston, it started growing again. It’s starting to scare me because now, it’s bigger than ever and sometimes when I lay on my back it’s a little disruptive to my breathing. There are 2 things it may be…and I’m hoping with all my heart that it’s the minor of the two. I’m a bartender. And bartenders usually don’t have insurance. I make decent money, but because the growth is right over my larynx, most doctors will not touch it. Because I will have to go to a specialist, I can not afford to get it tested or removed. In the months coming, I will need your help in helping me raise money. I hate to ask, but I have no choice. Thank you in advance. This is taking alot out of me to even post this. I love you all.
Being your own person has more value than conforming. I will forever be me, and I will forever be a contradiction, but I’ll never be someone I’m not.